Synchronicity

I spent most of the day putting hard drives into my computer and moving files between drives to make sure all my images are backed up. I had an appointment at five o’clock in the city to drop off images and an invoice what is always a fun thing to do. As usually I was running late and made it to the train shortly before five. When I got to 8^th Avenue where I had to change trains I looked at the other end of the train car and who was standing there? My sister.

Now you could say what a coincidence but these things happen all the time. But I had not seen and not talked to my sister in 4-5 years besides short text messages for Christmas and birthdays that read “Merry Xmas” or “Happy Birthday”. Two or three days ago I got an email from her. She told me that she has been reading my blog and that she is living very close to were I am. She also mentioned that she is afraid to take the train because she has no idea what to say to me if she runs into me. Reading that I knew that sooner or later I would run into her in the subway.

When I started to change I had one big obstacle to overcome. My family. It is almost impossible to change when you are surrounded by people who made up their mind about who you are and do not bother to look a second time because they figured you out. I was growing into a different person but it felt nobody else wanted me to change; nobody wanted to grow with me. My father kept on being negative, my mother used guilt to control me and my sister likes to be dramatic. I looked at that for some time but knew I had to address it. I do love my parents and my sister very much. But I was not able to move on if our relationship would not be different, if we could not be honest to each other and they would not accept that I have changed and they have to adjust their behavior. I also realized that loving everybody also includes myself. Most of my life I was only concerned about others and always forgot to think about Carsten. That made me at times very angry. Suppressing that anger made things even worse.

Over time I had a talk with my father, my mother and my sister and then all these relationships ended because they did what they had to do and I wanted to do things differently. I had a choice and I had none. I had to choose between my old life and finding happiness. I did choose finding happiness.

Many years have gone by since then. I do not talk to my parents at all. It was hard at the beginning but today I know it was the only possibility for me to get where I am today.

When I saw my sister at the other side of the train I had a big smile on my face and started to walk towards her. It felt like a long walk and she did not see me until I was just a few feet away. She smiled too when she saw me and we gave each other a big hug and cried a little. She said, ”Long time no see” and I nodded. We walked out of the train together and talked for some time while we took a different train uptown. I had to get off on 34^th while she took the train up to 42^nd Street. We hugged each other again and I said we should have coffee one of these days. Then I got off the train.

More then 8 Million people live in New York City. How likely is it to run into somebody on a train even though this person lives “only” a few subway stops away? There are more then 100 trains running between the city and Williamsburg in one day. And these very long trains. How likely is it to be in the same subway car?

What is it? Fate? Synchronicity? Did my feeling that I would see her on the train create the event or is what we call “reality” a sole projection of our minds anyway?

At the end it does not matter. What matters is that I was very happy to see her. Will I be able to have a relationship with her now? I still have to find that out.

 

 

 

 

 

“Synchronisity” Manhattan/New York City/34th Street and 6th Avenue at 08:15 PM

 

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