14609

Today I’m 14608 days old. In half an hour I will be 14609 days old and with that be 40.

These “big” birthdays are in a way strange. I’m very aware that time is an illusion but still my birthdate will tell the world in a few minuets that I’m middle aged. To me that is completely insane! What happened? I just celebrated my 30th birthday! That was just, oh well it was in 2000. There seems to be no way to get out of this one.

Fact is that I feel like I’m 28 and that in a physical sense I’m in better shape then in my mid 20’s. I also have much more fun then I had back then so honestly I don’t want to live through my 20’s again. Most of my 14608 days so far I have not enjoyed that much but things have shifted tremendously to the better in the past 10 years.

What I would love to do is to be 25 again and be the person and live the life I’m living today but of course you can’t have everything and since I feel and in dark rooms look like 28 I’m not off too much anyway. 🙂

But still I was sad today. It feels that the older I get the less I understand the world. I know that I don’t know. That is actually a vey positive realization because getting to that point you can play with life and stop taking things so serious since you understand that at the end you don’t know why things are happening and what they are good for.

Why am I sad then? I either still have an attachment to my ideas and it makes me sad to let go of them because that means that I have nothing to hold onto any more in life or it is the realization that I’ve been waisting most of my 14608 days on this planet struggling to get things I believed would make me happy but had absolutely no value to me. It could be also a combination of both.

But this helps me to understand more and more that nothing is really worth getting upset about because life is way too short. Another 1409 days and I’m 80 years old and I’m getting ready to check out of this lifetime if I have not already done so.

My friend Michael once said, “Life is not supposed to be taken serious because it is limited”. That is so true! At the end we all end up in the dirt but only some of us with a smile.

I’m determined to go smiling! 🙂

 

 

“1409” Williamsburg/Brooklyn/Self Portrait/First moment being 40/ 01-10-10 at 12:00 AM

Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

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