A New Beginning

This was a very long break. I spent almost two months without posting anything. Writing this post actually feels like I never wrote one before, it feels like a new beginning.

I’ve been torn my whole life. There is a very controlling, compulsively organized part of me that is always on the go. The part that never gives up, the part that gets things done the part that never stops. The part that is able to get through an hour and a half of yoga in the morning, an hour of workout in the afternoon and an hour and a half of kung fu at night in one day. In the positive this side of me gets things done, in the negative it is very stressful and draining.

There is another part that wants to relax, take it easy and to enjoy life. That part is more on the messy side does not care if the eight pack is still intact and my room totally organized. I would call that part the child in me. This part just wants to play and does not feel it has to achieve anything. In the positive that part lives a stress free life in the moment, the downside is that things don’t get done.

For most of my life the first part has been in charge. That part is very afraid of the child within. What happens after letting go? How would life look like after giving up control? Is life possible without constantly pushing forward and trying to control the outcome of our efforts?

I don’t have the answers. All I know is that if I don’t constantly push forward I’m getting lazy and the more I wait the lazier I get and the harder it gets to get started again. It is like not practicing yoga for a while; you know the first class will hurt.

Am I attached to this blog like I was last year? Can I not live without it, do I feel guilty not writing it, and can I not enjoy life not writing it? These things don’t even cross my mind any more. I’m having a great time and a fantastic summer.

But I did miss writing about my little adventures in New York City, about how I see the world and posting images. What I did miss most was the interaction with you my friends, the readers of this blog. I miss the comments and mails that I received from all over the world.

Today is a new beginning. As everything else this blog is constantly changing. I’m not the person I was 2 months ago. It will be interesting to see where the blog is going from here.

“A New Beginning” Manhattan, New York City, 54th Street and Hudson River 07-04-09 at 07:35 PM

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Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

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