The End Of Dreams

Yesterday I fulfilled myself a dream that I had for many years. I love AC/DC and for a longest time wanted to see them perform live. When I was in my late teens during a time when my friends were young and wild I did not like them. I was too repressed, too brainwashed and far away from the ability to break out. But ever since I am in my 30’s I love them maybe because they have the bad boy image that I never had when I was young but now embrace.

Yesterday was the big day, AC/DC played at Madison Square Garden.

I was so excited; my wait had finally come to an end. All these years I had mapped out what would happen. I saw them play “Highway To Hell”, “T.N.T” and “Back In Black, I saw the crowed going wild, me going crazy, it was the best concert of my life.

When I got to Madison Square Garden it was already filling up. The opening band “The Answer” was playing. I paid a total of $ 111 for my ticket, an amount I probably would not have spent for any other band. I talked to John the guy I was sitting next and he told me that his brother and cousin who were with him had flown in from Ireland to see them play since all the concerts in Europe were sold out. I was not doing so badly after all.

At 9 PM AC/DC walked on stage opening up with “Rock’n Roll Train” from their just released “Black Ice” album. What followed were a few more songs from the new album and a great selection of what they have been doing since 1973. It was a fantastic performance with Angus Young being one of the world’s best rock guitarists ever.

Everybody was off their seats the moment they started playing but still it never felt that magic was happening. This decisive moment when the spark jumps from the stage to the audience and performer and audience become one, something I had experienced when I saw “The Cure” play here.

Maybe it was me; maybe because I started to listen to them later in life I don’t have a strong emotional connection to their music. Maybe it was because of the confinements of “The Garden” because I was high up in my section far away from the stage. But at the end the magic I am talking about does not depend on anything. It either happens or does not.

It did not happen and that I was very disappointed. The concert had nothing to do with what I had envisioned all these years. At the same time I had a deep realization.

I realized how useless desires and dreams are and that there is only the moment. I had all these dreams about how it would feel like to see AC/DC play. I was living a dream that had nothing to do with reality. The same was true for working in a bank, crossing the Atlantic on a sailing ship, living in New York City or working as a photographer.

None of the dreams I ever were what I imagined them to be. All the time I spent daydreaming how things would be if I only could achieve or be able to do certain things was waited. It kept me from living in the moment from enjoying what is happening right here right now.

For me there was never any happiness in what I have achieved. The bigger the dream, the bigger was the disappointment after it was fulfilled. I did not find happiness at the end of my search.

Living in the moment is happiness. A sunset, a smile, taking a beautiful picture, a talk with a friend, laughing, dancing, learning something new, a hug or just playing.

I’m done! I decided last night to let all my dreams go and to live in the moment since the moment is the only place where I can find happiness.

 

 

 

 

“The End Of Dreams” Manhattan/Madison Square Garden/AC-DC/Angus Young 11/12/08 at 10:18 PM

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Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

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