Rediscovering Myself

I have changed a lot over the last couple of years. My attitude, my outlook on life, the way I feel about myself, the way I work and the way how I express myself. Many things have shifted but one thing has been stagnant. I kept my signature outfit of jeans and black t-shirt.

For many years I had very little money. I pretty much only did what I wanted to do but I had a price to pay for that, I was financially very unstable. This had to do with wrong ideas about myself and almost every penny that was left over after my rent was paid I spent on buying photo equipment or in the old days on film and paper.

When it came to clothing I survived on two pair of pants, a couple of t-shirt and two pairs of shoes. I looked the same every day. And even though that has been a safe place without any surprises or color mismatches I am tired of it. I want to change.

Today I got started. I went to Century 21 and outlet store that carries reduced designer clothing. Originally I just wanted to buy some white t-shirts for the summer (what a change!) but while I was there ventured out to look at shoes, pants and other shirts. When you have not spent much on clothing for years it feels ridiculous what people are willing to spend to upgrade their wardrobe.

I learned something today. For many years I have been trying to be a 32 pants size because I like the tight fit and there is something nice about the number 32. It just sounds better then being a 33 or 34. But every time I would sit down wearing a 32 my pants were too short and pants’ being too short is something I cant bare. Today I relaxed into being a 34. I am so much happier. I’m not squished in, it is a more relaxed fit and when I sit down, ahhh that feels so good, they are not too short.

I got two new pair of paints. Then I came across this t-shirt. The original price was $ 265.00 and it was reduced to $ 69.97. Almost $ 300.00 for a t-shirt isn’t this out of control! 🙂 Then I read the name of the label, “Buddhist Punk” I loved it because I can really relate to it. I have a Buddhist but also a punk in me. I had to get it.

Fashion like everything else really becomes beautiful when we stop taking it serious. I can wear a black t-shirt and jeans until the day I die. I don’t need a $ 300.00 shirt to boost my self-confidence. Not taking things serious means to be able to play dressing up without having to be worried what other people think, without needing cloths to alter how we feel about ourselves. But at the same time it is fun to play with how we look and we might discover thinks about ourselves we did not know before.

The new shirt might be pushing it a little bit even though it features my favorite colors black, grey and white (I know that they are not considered colors (-:). What do you think?!

 

 

“Rediscovering Myself” Self-Portrait/Manhattan/New York City 06-11-08 at 11:37 PM

Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

 

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