Closed

I am so tired tonight. I spent most of the day moving furniture. My friend Michael who has been a mixture of spiritual teacher and therapist for me for many years decided last May to move the West Coast and followed through within 30 days. His life had changed dramatically within one year. He had turned from a single man into having a girlfriend with a child into a married man into married man having two children. He was living what he was teaching, he was not afraid of change and he was going with life. Him leaving was like a shock for me. How would I cope with life without him? But I was very lucky to have had a teacher in my life for a very long time. It was time for a change.

The sessions I had with Michael had always the same setup. It was always group therapy but usually only one extra person. We would meet on weekends at 9 AM bright and early at his apartment on the Upper West Side. I would get a big hug when I walked into the door and we would all sit down at the kitchen table and he would asked us about our week. After we talked about that he would say,” Let me feel what is going on with you”. He would make these funny movements with his hands, and then clap with his hand on the back of his head and then say, “I got it”. Then he would come up with a story to lead me to a point where I could have an experience, a personal understanding about what is going on. And then I would get it. I saw him do that hundreds of times with me and with other people and to me he was never wrong. I never liked what I found out and was often very surprised about what was running my life.

How was and is Michael able to do this? He is able to have an empty mind. He does not remember what he said after a session because he is turning his head off. He is able express what wants to be expressed.

After we figured out what was going on we often had to go deeper. This is when Michael would say, “It is time for the couch”. The couch he was referring to is the biggest blue couch you have ever seen, it is 8 feet wide and I do not know how many feet deep. Whenever Michael was talking about the couch I got goosebumps because it meant I am about to start to cry. On the couch the gloves were off, buttons that had to be pushed were pushed left and right. I think Michael liked the couch the most, his eyes lit up and he went full force, at least he pushed as hard as he could without frying our nervous systems. After some Kleenex tissues dried the bitter tears we cried we got a homework assignments to have an even deeper understanding that what we believed was not true. We would review the experiences we made with our assignment on our next meeting.

Michael is about to sell the apartment I spent so much time crying in over the years. Of course I was more then happy to help to get the rest of the furniture out since he is away. While I was taking the train to the Upper West Side I was thinking about how many sessions I had with him, it must have been hundreds. Going to the apartment still feels strange to me. When I get to the door I still wish Michael would open the door with his big crystal clear blue eyes that remind you more on an alien then on a human being (that is actually what I thought when I met him the first time) and give me one of these “Michael Hugs”. But none of that was happening today. There are only a few furniture left in the apartment and the energy of the place has changes since he has not been there for many months.

Tony my good friend and workout buddy in the gym came up with a truck to pick up what is left over. It took us quite a while to get everything out, the last thing that was left in the apartment was the couch but it did not want to go. We tried everything to get it into the elevator. It is so huge and so heavy. My back hurts thinking about it. After trying for half an hour we gave up and moved it back into the apartment. Hiring professional movers seems to be the only option to get this thing out as this point.

I will always be thankful for what Michael did for me. He didn’t do the work. I did the work and I changed. But he assisted me. He helped me to understand and to break out of what was holding me back. I credit a lot of the life I am living today to his help. Writing this blog, being able to dance and to have fun, being James Bond and shooting a job for Victoria’s Secret Beauty tomorrow morning.

Thank you Michael for all your help! I make sure the couch is out of the apartment on time. Maybe it does not want to let go of me or I do not want to let go of it. Maybe I should keep it.

 

 

 

“Closed” Manhattan/New York City/ Grand Central Terminal 04-16-08 at 10:48 PM

Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

 

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