Dancing

Yesterday night I did go out. Originally I wanted to go to a party in the city but it would have been my third trip from Brooklyn to Manhattan. When I got to the train I realized that I was too tired to spend another hour on a train. It was already 12:30 AM and I decided to go to Union Pool a bar in my neighborhood that I have been visiting lately way too frequently.

My mission was clear. Have a maximum of two beers to make sure that I do not turn into James Bond and go home not later the 2 AM. When I got there I sat down at the bar and ordered a Guinness. As I said I was really tired. I did not even want to talk to anybody. I just wanted to listen to some music and hang for a little while. After I finished my first beer I ordered a second. I realized that my two beer rule does not work since after the second one I am already so drunk that I do not care about the rule any more. I ordered a third beer that the bar tender gave me for free. It was meant to be.

I am still sitting at the bar but feel my alcohol induced alter ego creeps up. It was already around 2 AM. Union Pool has a really big bar but most of the rest of the place is also used as a dance floor. At that point of the evening there was already lots of dancing going on. I was tired of sitting, got up and walked around. When I turned around I saw this pretty blond girl looking at me and pointing her finger at me. I pointed my finger back at her. I waved my hand towards me trying to tell her to come over. She did the same. I walked over to her. As I found out later her name is Stacy. After I said hi she looked at me and said, “you don’t dance do you?” I told her that I do and that I would love to dance with her but would have to get out of my jacket first.

Stacy had of course no idea what she was getting into. She thought I was a shy guy hiding behind his beer at the bar being afraid to talk to people. She did not know that I am a wolf in sheepskin especially since I had the magical number of three beers in my bloodstream igniting what might be my alter James Bond ego or just plainly being myself. As soon as my jacket was off we started dancing. Stacy is a great dancer. I would not consider myself a great but when I am able to let go and just go with the music I am amazing. She was convinced that she has a hard time keeping up with me and said that even though she considers herself pretty crazy I am crazier then she is. Then it happened the DJ played “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zeppelin. The gloves were off we both went for it. What followed was two hours of craziest dirty dancing Williamsburg has seen in a long time. And Williamsburg sees a lot.  I had so much fun last night. There is something so amazing about being completely free, just being yourself. Not even for a second to think that you make a fool out of yourself or what other people think about you. The freedom in that is endless. Only the moment exists when I am in that space.

To be able to be that way did not come easy to me. Most of my life I was hoping I would be able to do it but I couldn’t. I was too repressed, too insecure and afraid. I knew I had it in me but did not know how to access it. For years I did not even dance. I had no idea what fun is. Today going dancing is one of the most fun things to do for me and it is even enhanced when I dance with a beautiful girl. Ohhh, now T.N.T. by AC/DC is playing!

 

Cause I’m T.N.T I’m dynamite

T.N.T. and I’ll win that fight

T.N.T. I’m a power load

T.N.T. watch me explode

 

I’m dirty, mean and mighty unclean

I’m a wanted man

Public enemy number one

Understand?

So lock up your daughter

Lock up your wife

Lock up your back door

And run for your life

The man is back in town

So don’t you mess around

 

(T.N.T. lyrics)

 

I am shaking my hips left to right, I am on my knees on the floor and while I am getting back up our bodies touch and it feels like we merge into being one. What a night! Where would I much rather be then right here now? That is when they say that the moment without thought is perfect.

The light turns on three times. Somebody screams, “Last call”. It is almost four o’clock. Where did the time go? Stacy leaves for a moment and comes back with her jacket on. It is time for her to go. I give her a hug and we tell each other how much fun we had dancing with each other. I leave a few minuets later.

It takes me about 20 minuets to get home. On my way I think about the time when my mother come over from Germany about six or seven years ago. We walked around in Manhattan and I had a hard time since I had this knot in my throat all day long. I felt a lifetime of somebody not expressing herself. All the holding back, all the not being herself, all the pain and suffering. Back then I was not doing much better myself. In a moment of honesty I stopped, looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Mom I hope that one day I will be able to escape and not have to live the rest of my life as repressed as you and my father.” I have accomplished that.

 

 

 

 

“Dancing” Manhattan/New York. Television screen at “Curry in a Hurry” indian restaurant 03-02-08 at 08:11 PM.

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Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

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