Fire Starter

For the last few days I have been thinking a lot about the video for the song Firestarter by Prodigy.

About a year ago I had a girlfriend that wanted a knight in shining armor to rescue her. She was not happy with her life but did not want to make changes and was looking for help on the outside. She wanted the person she is with to save her.  Her idea was to find somebody who can take over that role, make her feel beautiful, appreciated and important. I was supposed to accomplish that.

When I realized what was going on I talked to her about it. I was and I am aware that I cannot save anybody and shared that with her. I am always willing to support but had to find out if she was willing to change. I told her that she either would have to do some sort of therapy or I could not be with her since I did not want to be an actor in her wanting to be saved game. She said that she would not go to therapy just because “some guy” is telling her to do so. This was one of the moments when I had to realize that I was much less important then I thought. Our relationship ended the same night.

 

I’m the trouble starter, punkin’ instigator

I’m the fear addicted, a danger illustrated

(Firestarter Lyrics)

 

I have something in common with the guy in the Firestareter video. We both disturb people. We are both troublemaker just in different ways.

The day after I broke up with my girlfriend I had a deep realization. I took an Ashtanga Yoga class at the gym. I have been taking this class for many years and the teacher is a friend of mine. I was sad about the breakup and told her what happened. She said that she believes that total honesty is not a good idea if it is hurtful. That moment I realized that most people are not interested to see what is going on. They do not want to change, they do not want to be disturbed.

 

I’m te self inflicted, mind detonator – yeah

I’m the one infected, twisted animator

(Firestarter Lyrics)

 

The insight that change is not welcomed in most people’s lives made me very sad. I could not understand and still cannot today that somebody who suffers does not want to change. I always want to help. I always want to support to change. I want to help to end suffering.

The problem with that is that very often people do not want to change or are not ready to change. My approach is very direct. I am not too worried about being gentle. After working on myself for so many years it is very easy to see where the problems somebody has come from. And I address these areas directly with what I would call a “Kamikaze Approach.”

By doing so I often hurt other people’s feelings.

Do I really want to do that? Not really. I do not want to hurt anybody. All I do is to turn off my head and say what I have to say without holding back. That alienates people very often. They do not want to be pushed. They do not want to know.

I have to admit I love to rock the boat though. I love to challenge others and myself. I try to do the same thing with this blog. To me challenge is what makes us grow. The harder I hit the more I can shake people up, the more I can change them. If they want to change.

I have to learn to understand that change is not for everybody. It is only for a few people who want to leave the old behind and they will most likely become firestartes themselves.

 

I’m a firestarter, twisted firestarter

You’re the firestarter, twisted firestarter

I’m a firestarter, twisted firestarter

(Firestarter Lyrics)

 

 

 

“Firestarter” Williamsburg/Brooklyn  02-24-08 at 10:47 PM.

02-24-08.jpg 

Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

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