Thanks so much for your comment Michael. Soy Chai Latte is my favorite drink. I would love to get together in person one day. Like you said that would be much easier since we can clarify what we talk about while we are talking. And yes we are on the same page; we are saying the same in slightly different ways.

One thing I want to clarify. I never said that meditation does not work for me. I only said that I do not think that the mind will ever completely stop to spin and that the trick is to let it do what it is trained to do but to not listen to it no matter what. That can be achieved through meditation.

I think meditation is the most important tool to get away from the ego. A friend of mine meditated for eight years three hours a day and did not miss one meditation. After eight years he had an experience that enabled him to help others and to help me. I meditated for many years two hours per day. Meditation to me is to go from an illusionary reality to the truth, to what has no beginning and no end. It is a space to relax for a little while it is a sane place. After some time you come back to the imagined world to insanity but bring some of the truth with you. For a period of time after coming out of meditation we are in the world but not of it. We are what we really are. And even though we fall back into the unconscious we have uplifted the unreality for a brief moment, reminded people around us on about the truth even though they just realize that subconsciously and made the world of illusions a better place.

I have to admit that my meditation practice is not good at the moment. For many years I was lost in spirituality. I was not part of the world. All I was thinking about was to find a way out, to find enlightenment but only to escape my suffering. I wanted to let all the ideas; all my beliefs go from one second to the next. But I never had lived. I had turned from a “normal” German boy with quite a few issues to a health, exercise and spiritual fanatic with the same issues. I used to go out have a few beers eat meat like any other guy I grew up with. When I came to New York that changed. For many years I was a total vegan, I did not drink at all for five years, I meditated two hours a day, went to the gym and to a separate yoga class about five times per week. In my free time I would read spiritual books. There was no partying, no dating, no relaxing going on. I was focused on my practices. But even though my life was not that much fun I did reached a certain level of spiritual understanding.

But emotionally nothing had changed. I still had the same issues. I was insecure, fearful, negative, felt insignificant and untalented. Spiritually I had knowledge and my will power to get where I wanted to get was remarkable. But why was I working so hard on myself? Because I did not feel good about who I thought I was and because I was afraid of living. It also had high level of spiritual arrogance. I elevated myself above all these how I used to see them meet eating, weak minded, alcohol drinking and unaware knuckleheads that populated planet earth.

When I started to work on my emotions I had to realize that I was totally unaware about my emotional self. I knew nothing about life, I had never lived, and I had no idea what fun was or what it means not to be serious. I was very attached to my family who tortured me emotionally, had to face my low self-confidence and to not to be able to see my talent. I had to allow myself to feel things and not only to think about them. A process that was especially hard when you are born and raised in Germany since people there tend to be much more in their heads then in their hearts.

The process was very hard and it took me seven years to go through it and I am still learning. Within the first year my arrogance was gone. I had to face the truth about my family, about all aspects of my life. After two years I walked down the street and realized that I was not feeling bad about myself. It was such a relief after all these years of self hat-read. I started to live life. I made little baby steps but got better and better on a daily basis.

Today I can talk to anybody about anything. Even though as you can see I enjoy talking about things that are considered deep very much I enjoy being shallow as much as I enjoy being deep. I can go to a bar, have a few beers talk to strangers all night (preferably pretty girls) and make no sense at all. It is so much fun and I can relax from the thought of the creation of the universe. I realized that life is not meant to be serious since it is limited.

Today I don’t look down on anybody but I don’t look up either. To me we are all equal. We all have different illusionary selves that make us express ourselves differently. But the part of us that is true that has no beginning and has no end is the same in all of us and makes us one.



“One”. Williamsburg/Brooklyn 01-25-08 at 07:02 PM


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