How was I able to do it?

Yesterday I took my first Ashtanga Yoga class in six weeks. I had to take a long break since Pavlina this girl in my kung-fu class decided to keep her elbow on my chest after she swept me and ended up  fracturing my rib when she landed on me. The yoga class was tremendously painful. While I was practicing I was wondering how I was able to go through this for all these years that I’ve been practicing yoga, sometimes six days a week two hours per day. The answer is easy. I was used to it. I practiced a lot, my body adjusted and it did not hurt any more. Then I started to think about all the abusive relationships I was in. Be it family, work or romance. Again it takes some time to get used to it. Like in yoga there is pain, I adjusted emotionally and after a certain period if time it did not hurt any more. I developed a callus. I was less and less sensitive about being hurt, about being in the wrong place with the wrong person but I was able to survive. Survive for what? To be physically alive but emotionally dead? But when I was in relationships like that I did not even know what was going on. When I practiced yoga six days per week I did not feel any pain doing poses I was used to do. I forgot that a pose was painful as much as I forgot how much suffering certain relationships caused me. The good news is that I was able to escape. It took a long time and was not easy but at this point I have no abusive relationships in my life. When I look back though I have no idea how I was able to do it. How was I able to survive so much pain? The answer is easy. I was used to it. Tomorrow I will take another yoga class.

 

Today I spent my day with my friend Ming Ooi who I worked for quite a lot over the last couple of years. Ming decided to leave his job at Li & Fung to partner up with somebody and be his own boss. I think that is great because for me being my own boss is the only way to live. It was a fun day and felt like going back to the roots. After doing big shoots for him in the past, with assistants, stylists and art directors it was just he and I in his apartment prepping stills. We had to laugh here and there since the situation felt comical. But I know he will succeed and make this company become a big player in the business. Power to the wooden bowl!

 

 Flowers in bowl 

 

 

 

Street Dancer. Williamsburg/Brooklyn 01-05-08 at 11:08 AM. 

 

Street Dancer 

 

Please check out my website at carstenfleck.com

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